Hope all of you have been stretching and practicing up for the 1st Annual Team Vogel vs. Cancer Bowling Tournament. 11 days left til the big event. Please feel free to stop in and join the fun even if you are not signed up on a team - there will be plenty of fun for all. The tournament will be held at the Winona Athletic Club from 10a - (about 10p). You can also see all the details by selecting Upcoming Events.
Well - I tried to get on here last night and write, but yesterday was a tough day. Often times, I don't want to write how I really feel - for then I have to admit this is reality. Today, I am writing in hopes it will be good therapy. I think I may have touched one of the rocks in "rock bottom". I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of not feeling happy, I'm tired of looking at my computer for 2 hours - just trying to send one email. I'm just tired. I keep thinking - I sure didn't sign up for this life, but no one would and I wouldn't sign up for any other life either. It is hard to believe I haven't seen or touched Joe's hand in 6 months. I try not to count the days, but it is pretty hard not to. Every night - I cross off the day on the calendar thinking...I made it through another day.
Ever morning I get up and hope it will be a better day. Somedays flow smoother - other days I can't wait to go back to bed. I just wish there was medicine or a cure for this pain. Time seems to be my worst enemy these days but the one thing that may help me deal in the end. I don't want time to pass me by - for I feel like I move further away from Joe...but I also want time to fly by in hopes it will bring comfort.
So - last night I crawled into bed, my head spinning like crazy - and zoe began to bark / growl a little. I just gave here a kiss and told her to hush. Then my bedroom door slammed shut. So at that point - I knew Joe was there and telling me to get it together - well needless to say I may have had a few choice words with him - and then let him know I love him more each day. He sure knows when to show up.
Today's a new day and hopefully will be a better one. I will never stop hoping for good days - they will come.
Love - Rach