Part 1

It is not easy to express to others how I feel.  When I try to talk – the tears get in the way and I become a snotty mess.  Sometimes it is easier to pretend life is good and keep busy.   So I turn to the blog tonight – it has definitely been one of my toughest days.  All I want is to sit next to Joe and talk to him.  I want a hug, a kiss.  I want to see his smile and look into his eyes.  Not being able to do this breaks my heart.  It is a pain I can’t describe.  It is physically painful and nothing takes it away.

I try to keep busy and go…go…go, it helps to take my mind off things – but the pain is still there and I’m getting tired out.  So where do I go from here.  Although I want to dig a hole and crawl in – I will not.  I find it hard to stay focused and keep on track – (even though this was hard before J)  I hope this will get better.  I feel lost within my own life tonight.  At a low point, I refuse to overlook the good that has come.  So here are the good things from this week…

-Snuggling with Miss Zoe
-Getting attitude from the rabbit
-Hanging out with our friends
-Sharing a beer with Dean and Joe
-Trying to play Beanbags (I talk better than I play)
-Sharing smiles with friends and their families
-Spending money at Jewelry Parties
-Watching some softball
-Family time
-Heading up North for some lady time and fishing
…

Even with all the good – I still need the one thing I can’t have.  I still haven’t dreamed of you.  I miss you Joe. 143

 
Part 2
(I figured I couldn’t only have a sad Part 1…)

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the end of summer.  School is approaching for many and the weather will be cooling.  I wish everyone a great start to the new school year.

I don’t have any new Team Vogel news.  We continue to generate ideas and will be getting together soon with the board members to begin work on Team Vogel vs Cancer 2011.  So stay tuned.

This week I will be busy helping at my friend’s daycare, sewing purses, dinner / lunch dates and then I will be heading to my Grandparents and up north with my aunts, mom and some friends.  I choose to stay busy this week.

Have a great Labor Day weekend.

 
  Love-

Rach

Oh the simple things…  The small things in life continue to make the biggest impacts in my life.  After having a busy day, I arrived home and was digging in one of my kitchen drawers.  As I got to the bottom of the drawer, I found all the poems and letters Joe had written to me over the years.  I will not lie – they were hard to read, but yet so refreshing.  I could hear his humor coming through – I could see his handwriting again – and I could read that he loves me.  We never went to bed without saying – “I love you” and I will never have to either.  I can read a poem or note now.  Enjoy the simple things and let the people you love know it.

 

Thank you to everyone who helped make this weekend so wonderful!  Although, Joe was not able to help us celebrate all the festivities – he would have been so proud (and we know he was there in spirit).  TEAM VOGEL was alive in Goodview.  On the softball fields – in the parade – during the gallop - in our hearts.  Thank you for all your support and know with each event, we help keep Joe’s legacy alive.  As Tom said – “We promised” and we kept our word this weekend.  Thank you!

 

As the summer winds down – Team Vogel is getting energized to work on new ideas and wrap up the summer.  We will continue to keep everyone updated here on how to be involved and what is going on.  Your support and participation is what makes Team Vogel what it is.

 

Well, I’m off to get some sleep here.  Zoe is already snoring next to me.  Busy day ahead tomorrow – more sewing to be done. 

Sending my love to all and please know how grateful I am for the simple things – The simple things that people do each day.

 

-Love and Hugs-

Rachel (Zoe and Skittles too)

It is hard to believe that two weeks have gone by since I was sitting at your side.  With each day – I miss you more and more.  This is a pain I can’t explain.  The one thing I want, I cannot have.  In the 7 years we were together, the longest I went without seeing you was 7 days (and even then I talked to you 8 times everyday).  Although there are good moments, even good hours…part of me is gone…that part is you.

Alright, time to turn the mood here…So, I am a big believer in sings and dreams.  I have been hoping to dream of Joe every night, but I haven’t remembered a dream yet.  I know if anyone can let us know they are out there with us, it is Joe.  So today my sign came.  I went to spend some time with Joe at the cemetery this evening and when Zoe and I pulled up – there was a buck standing by Joe’s grave.  Joe was my “trophy buck” for Halloween a couple years back (I went as the hunter and Joe went as my buck).  I know many of you have had your experiences and I would love to hear them.  You can select comment – and then leave a message, just like on caring bridge.  I cherish your experiences too.



Time for a couple Team Vogel reminders –


Saturday, August 21st at 8am The Goodview Gallop will be happening.  All proceeds benefit the American Cancer Society.  If you need any last min. information – please email us at teamvogel@hotmail.com .  I am looking forward to seeing the sea of red.


Sunday, August 22nd at 12:30pm – We will be lining up for the Goodview Days Parade.  Joe and Team Vogel were asked to be the Grand Marshal.  We will be #8 in the parade line-up and meeting on 36th Ave. (between 5th and 6th St.) – in Goodview.  Please know – EVERYONE is welcome.  Wear your Team Vogel shirts…a Red T-shirt…or just clothes.  If you wish to bring a bag of candy to throw as we walk – please do.

Well – I hope this blog works for all of you – please send me any feedback about the site or the blogging.  I appreciate all comments, good or bad.  You can email them to teamvogel@hotmail.com .

Love – Rachel