It is not easy to express to others how I feel. When I try to talk – the tears get in the way and I become a snotty mess. Sometimes it is easier to pretend life is good and keep busy. So I turn to the blog tonight – it has definitely been one of my toughest days. All I want is to sit next to Joe and talk to him. I want a hug, a kiss. I want to see his smile and look into his eyes. Not being able to do this breaks my heart. It is a pain I can’t describe. It is physically painful and nothing takes it away.
I try to keep busy and go…go…go, it helps to take my mind off things – but the pain is still there and I’m getting tired out. So where do I go from here. Although I want to dig a hole and crawl in – I will not. I find it hard to stay focused and keep on track – (even though this was hard before J) I hope this will get better. I feel lost within my own life tonight. At a low point, I refuse to overlook the good that has come. So here are the good things from this week…
-Snuggling with Miss Zoe
-Getting attitude from the rabbit
-Hanging out with our friends
-Sharing a beer with Dean and Joe
-Trying to play Beanbags (I talk better than I play)
-Sharing smiles with friends and their families
-Spending money at Jewelry Parties
-Watching some softball
-Heading up North for some lady time and fishing
Even with all the good – I still need the one thing I can’t have. I still haven’t dreamed of you. I miss you Joe. 143
(I figured I couldn’t only have a sad Part 1…)
I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the end of summer. School is approaching for many and the weather will be cooling. I wish everyone a great start to the new school year.
I don’t have any new Team Vogel news. We continue to generate ideas and will be getting together soon with the board members to begin work on Team Vogel vs Cancer 2011. So stay tuned.
This week I will be busy helping at my friend’s daycare, sewing purses, dinner / lunch dates and then I will be heading to my Grandparents and up north with my aunts, mom and some friends. I choose to stay busy this week.
Have a great Labor Day weekend.