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To Believe or Not...I BELIEVE!

9/27/2010

Cousin Cassie and I before our 10 mile race on Sunday.

So this past weekend, I was up in the cities visiting friends and family. While out with a good friend of mine (and Joe’s) and super fun gal, she asked me what I thought about psychics and mediums. I told her I was open to them and had never really thought about it too much.

Well there just happened to be a convention in town on Saturday and she was wondering if I would want to check it out. I was totally in! So off we went. Once we got there, I really wanted to have a reading done. So I signed up with one lady and as we walked around to other booths – my friend recommended I try this other lady that she had researched and thought was wonderful…So I will let you decide if she was wonderful or not –

Prior to sitting down with her, all I did was write my first and last name on a sheet of paper. That’s it. She asked me if I was interested in a psychic reading or a past life. I choose the past life. She told me to only nod yes or no to validate what she was saying and we were off.

When she began she kept seeing an older woman…I shook my head no…Then she starts in about a younger man…he is medium build, a little stocky, short/ dark hair and he keeps saying, “I’m not sick anymore – I was so sick”

(Now I am trying to play it cool and just gently shake my head yes…Please also note some of these comments are out of context, for I only took brief notes)

She continues repeating, “I am not sick anymore” and then asks if he passed from a terminal illness, cancer… She then goes into

I see this bulletin board…with pictures of family and you two…and your standing next to him…She asks – “Where you standing by him when he passed?” (YES)

(So in the room at Joe’s parent’s house, where he was when he died…there is a bulletin board with pictures we had hung up of everyone)

She then goes into – He’s not sick anymore and he is ok. He wants you to know this and wants you to be happy and when you are feeling sad/depressed/ down – you need to stop handling it alone – you need to call your friends and family…

(OK – so it is not fun to always call people crying – so I don’t and he knows that and I will call from now on J)

She then goes into a statement about notes – hockey sticks – turning the sports on tv and this jewelry box…

(I just found all those notes from Joe…Hockey sticks – his cousins are into hockey and I was staying at their house or…maybe the sticks were baseball bats??? – sports on TV…That is Joe)

So maybe at the point you think I am crazy but wait…

She says he wants to validate that it is him…Did you recently stub your toe or break a toe nail?

(YES – Lost a part of my big toe nail from running…I’M REALLY LISTENING NOW)

He wants you to know the battle is over and he is good. Then she says – there is this other woman with him and I can’t make out her face…She is just with him…

(I’ve been having that in my dreams…WHO IS SHE…maybe me in an afterlife…maybe the cancer???)

She then moves on for she can’t make anything of it and time is getting low. She starts in – He keeps saying “Mom, Mom, Mom…” He wants to make sure you keep talking with his mom and let her know he is ok…and…that he loves her.

(This is so Joe. Always caring about everyone else and making sure they are ok. Also when he was dying – he would often call out for his mom.)

Then the time was up. I held it together, thanked the woman and walked away feeling the most peace I have felt yet. Joe was there and he is ok. I hope this story does justice, for it was overwhelming.

After I left the convention, I was so excited to tell others and I didn’t even care what they thought, but I knew I wanted to tell Tom and Mary in person. So I went over there yesterday when I got home. Ironically while I was with this medium – Mary was with her friend at a craft sale – and her friend was telling her about her personal experience with a medium… (I think this was Joe preparing his mom for my experience)

So, as I am driving home last night – I’m trying to process everything and make sure this really happened…even trying to discount it all. As I open the door to my car – I look to my left and see the rock in my garden that says BELIEVE in Joe’s handwriting. I do Believe!

…and I always will BELIEVE…

Thank you Joe for everything – You’ve always known how to help make things right even in the worst times. I miss seeing you more and more – but I know you are here when I need you and you aren’t sick anymore. 143 forever and always.

Love - Rach

14 Comments

I don't care for the BAM! days or other women in my bed.

9/20/2010

5 Comments

And the days keep on rolling… It amazes me how one day can be good or even one hour and then…BAM!...You feel like you got socked in the gut and need to get out of wherever you are. Sunday was my “BAM!” day and I am still recovering. So this post is going to jump all over the place – but I want to share a few stories / thoughts from this week that make me smile.

Dreams – I’ve been having this dream that Joe is dating another woman. She lives with us in my dreams and sleeps with me, Joe, and the dog. The latest dream – I got so mad at Joe and her – not because she was in my bed with me – but because one of them kept touching my arm. I can’t ever see her clear in the dreams. It is funny , but frustrating, for Joe always looks at me like he used to – a loving look – but then goes with her. This girl better watch out – for I have one tough sister that I might just need to send after her.

Joe Moments – Unfortunately, one of my good friends is fitting her own fight these days. She had surgery scheduled this past Friday and I had sent her a text on Thursday night (late) to say I talked with Joe and he will be there to watch over her. That morning, she texts me back at 5:30am, when she is on her way to the hospital, and guess what she is following – a Frito Truck. It is good to know he still listens to me.

Dan’s Marathon Update – Joe’s cousin ran a marathon in Joe’s honor. He finished in 3 hrs. and 45 mins. – 22nd overall – 6th in his age category …and unfortunately twisted his ankle pretty good during the 2nd mile. Dan the strength and determination you showed to complete this is amazing – and Joe is just as proud as I am. Hope the ankle is healing!

TEAM VOGEL - We had our first board meeting this past Sunday. It was tough to get together without the President, but felt rewarding to do the work in his honor. We are getting things set for the Team Vogel vs. Cancer Fundraiser 2011. More information on upcoming events and plans will follow in the next month.

Well – I think I hit all the key points I wanted to today. So now I want to leave you with some thoughts that have been brought to my attention by the younger crowd. If we could all think like little kids…

One young man stated -

“I just can’t stop singing “Don’t Stop Believin’” It’s always on when I get in my car” (This was stated as the young man got on his Little Tyke Bike/Car and then he proceeded to sing “Don’t stop Believin’”)

Another Comment…“I just miss Joe so much – but he is always in my heart”

Here’s a different conversation with a little one – “So what do you do at the cemetery?”

Me – “I talk to Joe.”

Little One-“Well, you can’t talk too much…God’s got him pretty busy.”

Another Conversation – “Are you still married?” (Practical question that I was totally not ready to answer.)

When walking into the house at night – one little one stopped at the door, looked up at the sky and said, “Good Night Jo – Jo”

If we could all keep things simple and so straight forward.

Love - Rach

5 Comments

Chocolate with Ice Cream before Dinner :)

9/13/2010

11 Comments

Photo - Cocktails with the Ladies and Dan in Kansas City (Thanks Amy for switching me drinks)

So much to say today…It has been a busy week / weekend.

First off – a Joe moment…Last Wednesday, when I came home from Volleyball, I decided I needed one more beer. I found a Busch Light in the fridge. I usually prefer Blue Moon, but I settled. Well, I hopped on the computer and found a video that Joe and I made in Chicago…The second video – which not many have seen (hope to post it one day). Joe is pretending to be an animal show host and trying to catch this rare animal…me. At one point, he is discussing what bait he should use, and he zooms in on a random trashcan in Chicago and there is a Busch Light can (the bait). So here I am, sitting in my living room, with my first Busch Light in a long time and wondering where the animal catcher is…Pretty crazy how things work out sometimes.

Well – I’m not sure if any of you have seen or heard, but the NFL season is under way and so are the fantasy leagues. I feel it’s only appropriate for me to give everyone a little insight on my thoughts. Joe this is for you. Although I was out of town this weekend, I did have the opportunity to get my legal pad and pen out and watch some of the Vikings game on Thursday (thought I better take notes to keep my interest). I thought they started the season off with a real bang and who better to do that than the Dave Matthews Band (One of Joe’s favorites). So after all the Super Bowl Fluff and rubbing it in…The Saints man-handled our defense in the opening drive. Things turned around a little and we stopped them, but man they had completion after completion. So…I’m not going to lie – I made it through the first few moments but then my attention got lost... A blocked kick… a little scoring…Vikings lose. The one thing I did want to mention is Mr. Brett Favre. He looked a little sluggish and really deflated in the last quarters. I would have to agree with Tony Dungy – Once he gets a few more games under his belt he will be back and making all the magical plays he can. I just wonder why he doesn’t try going to training camp so he is ready to make the plays come the first game of the season. I’m just saying – I wish we could all choose when we want to show up for work – he is getting paid right? The guys just need more time together, their timing was a little off.

Well the bottom line is – I hope everyone enjoyed the first weekend of football and hopefully your fantasy team is doing well. Hubbard – I know Joe is watching over your team close (no pressure).

Twins news – I need to be updated here … I don’t get the channel anymore and have not had the time to get out and watch the games. I do hear they are still ahead in the race…Maybe 5 games?

Alright – enough sports talk and on to one of the greatest weekends every. I headed to Kansas City on Friday with Biggs and Betsy. Our destination – To see our friend / big sis Amy. Our arrival was a little delayed, for one got stuck in work, some terrible rain storms, and some heavy…heavy traffic about 2 miles from our exit J. We made the best of it and realized we traveled 5 hours with no radio – I guess we like to talk. We truly just enjoyed our time together and just were. We stayed up late – giggled too much (Biggs and I got a text at 2 am from Amy in the other room saying we were loud…We think she just wanted to be in our room, for Betsy might have been clicking) and ate way too much. I did have lots of candy, some fabulous cupcakes and we made sushi one night (which I really loved!) It was great to just kick back and truly enjoy time – time with real people with great hearts. Thanks ladies – for the great weekend and I will always eat chocolate with ice cream before dinner now…because we can!

Now a couple updates on events/opportunities:

Hanna’s Hope -
Please check out this link below. It is a story of a young girl in Rochester who is fighting the cancer battle with the most dignity and grace – she has the strength of Joe. It is amazing how some people can go through so much but still find a bit of positive in everything.

http://www.kttc.com/Global/category.asp?C=131445&nav=menu1348_7

(Then you will need to select Hanna Pt3)
If you would like to donate to help Hanna’s Family build a house that will accommodate her needs, here is the address to send your donation.
Hanna’s Hope
Think Mutal Bank
PO Box 5949
Rochester, MN 55903-5949

Rivertown Shuffle
Friday, Sept. 17th – Saturday, Sept. 18th
At Jaycee Pavilon – Lake Winona
5pm – Food and Silent Auction will begin
6pm – Opening Ceremonies
6:15pm – 1st lap will be taken through the luminaries
8pm – Luminary Ceremony

(There are many more events going on throughout the evening – so stop on in)

This event was very important to Joe and last year he was honored to be one of the person’s of hope. He never lost hope and he always believed – even though it will be tough to walk through and see the luminaries with Joe’s name on them this year stating – In Memory of… I will still go, for I promised. I hope many of you can join me and others of Team Vogel, the Winona Community to continue the fight.

Quick note to wish Joe’s Cousin Dan the best of luck in his marathon this weekend in Alaska. He is running one of the toughest courses in Joe’s Honor. Thank you Dan – this meant the world to Joe. (Here is the website - http://runningforjoe.weebly.com/)

I know this is a lengthy one today – but it has been a busy week. Joe I am sure you are checking the blog everyday to make sure I am keeping it up and doing it to your standard. I miss you and YOUR blogs. Maybe see you in my dreams tonight – 143.

Good Night / Good Morning Everyone!

Love - Rach

11 Comments

It' a MONSTER and She's Mounting It!

9/6/2010

10 Comments

So... Before I catch up on all the happenings of the week. Check out the Northern my mom caught with the help of our friend Cara. It was 44.5" long and weighed 10.2 lbs. Skinny and long - just like my mom :)

Alright - now I will back track a little... In my last post, I was still wishing and wanting to have a dream with Joe in it. Well - I had my dream. It was bittersweet. Joe was so healthy and alive… He was cracking jokes – making me laugh – and was just there. It was so hard to wake up. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep and be there with him again. I’m not sure I am ready for the dreams yet…

This grieving process is interesting – most days I feel lost in my own life, but seem to find a path. I’m more forgetful than I have ever been. But, I’m surviving. This past week has been harder than I could have ever expected. I would describe it as “shitty, but good”. Even with the ups and downs – there are always good things rolling my way.

I received a rock from some very special people. I guess it is more of a boulder. Engraved in the boulder is Believe in Joe’s handwriting with Team Vogel underneath. Joe was my rock. Words cannot express how grateful I am for this gift and how truly special it is.

On Tuesday this week, I was sewing like a mad woman and got to thinking that I could really use some good tunes. I got up from the sewing machine and was sidetracked the mailbox – and what was there…a new CD. Music does sooth the soul and especially when it shows up at the perfect moment. I truly appreciate all who have created a CD and keep me in the music loop.

Well on Thursday – I packed up and headed Wells to visit my grandparents. Enjoyed some good conversation many at Grandma Mary’s and at Grandma and Grandpa Salisbury’s. Great food was had too – Chicken Enchiladas and some fabulous grilled burgers.

Friday, I went to Owatonna to visit my Aunt before I headed up North to Ely with my mom, aunts, and friend. We had a girl’s weekend at our friend’s cabin. It was beautiful…canoeing, fishing, “the monster catch”, sauna/jumping in the lake, some cocktails, and great conversation. Thank you Ladies!

So, the long weekend comes to an end, Zoe and I are sitting here cuddled on the couch, and I think of you Joe. It has been 1 month since I held your hand, looked into your eyes, saw you breath, kissed your cheek. It is overwhelming when I allow myself to think about it. I am tired of crying – it doesn’t help anyways…but I am tired of going on without you too. People say I am strong. My strength came from you and now without you – I find the strength in the people I surround myself with. So to all of you out there – Thank you for the strength you give me!

10 Comments

To Believe or Not...I BELIEVE!

I don't care for the BAM! days or other women in my bed.

Chocolate with Ice Cream before Dinner :)

It' a MONSTER and She's Mounting It!

...

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