How Do You Fix a Broken Heart?

8/29/2010

Part 1

It is not easy to express to others how I feel. When I try to talk – the tears get in the way and I become a snotty mess. Sometimes it is easier to pretend life is good and keep busy. So I turn to the blog tonight – it has definitely been one of my toughest days. All I want is to sit next to Joe and talk to him. I want a hug, a kiss. I want to see his smile and look into his eyes. Not being able to do this breaks my heart. It is a pain I can’t describe. It is physically painful and nothing takes it away.

I try to keep busy and go…go…go, it helps to take my mind off things – but the pain is still there and I’m getting tired out. So where do I go from here. Although I want to dig a hole and crawl in – I will not. I find it hard to stay focused and keep on track – (even though this was hard before J) I hope this will get better. I feel lost within my own life tonight. At a low point, I refuse to overlook the good that has come. So here are the good things from this week…

-Snuggling with Miss Zoe
-Getting attitude from the rabbit
-Hanging out with our friends
-Sharing a beer with Dean and Joe
-Trying to play Beanbags (I talk better than I play)
-Sharing smiles with friends and their families
-Spending money at Jewelry Parties
-Watching some softball
-Family time
-Heading up North for some lady time and fishing
…

Even with all the good – I still need the one thing I can’t have. I still haven’t dreamed of you. I miss you Joe. 143

Part 2
(I figured I couldn’t only have a sad Part 1…)

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the end of summer. School is approaching for many and the weather will be cooling. I wish everyone a great start to the new school year.

I don’t have any new Team Vogel news. We continue to generate ideas and will be getting together soon with the board members to begin work on Team Vogel vs Cancer 2011. So stay tuned.

This week I will be busy helping at my friend’s daycare, sewing purses, dinner / lunch dates and then I will be heading to my Grandparents and up north with my aunts, mom and some friends. I choose to stay busy this week.

Have a great Labor Day weekend.

Love-

Rach

10 Comments

Keta Lindstrom

8/30/2010 12:20:34 am

Rachel,
My heart breaks for you, as you always manage to bring tears to my eyes. Life definitely does not seem fair. You had to make a huge sacrifice so the rest of us could learn about life. Thank you for everything you and Joe have done for all of us. Please remember that you are in our thoughts and prayers every day - you have the love and support of many many people.

Tracy O

8/30/2010 01:11:32 am

Good morning Rach. My heart aches for you missing Joe. Erik and I were talking last night about Joe and you and everything. It seems to me that no matter where I go or what I do, I am reminded of Joe ALL THE TIME. I go for a walk, who do I see? Girl in the white shorts,--- Joe. I am in the store and I hear someones voice...---Joe...hear a song----joe....pictures---joe.

I am greatful for these reminders each minute of each day. I miss Joe like crazy and wish he was here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us Rach. We love you.

I look forward to cooking for you on Wednesday. HAAAAA And cooking for you I mean, going out for dinner and having someone else cook for us! :) There, that's more like it.

Love you LoveR. T

Jessica Allred link

8/30/2010 02:01:41 am

Hi Rach,
I'm not sure if you know this but my house is along Homer Rd, my backyard actually faces St Mary's cemetery. I think about you and Joe all the time and seeing the cemetery every time I go outside or drive by makes me think of you even more. This morning as I was beginning my walk (which was way too early-the moon and stars were still out), I was on the sidewalk along Homer Rd when I large buck ran out from the yard two houses over from mine, crossed the road and headed up by Joe. Because of your entry a little while back my very first thought was "Hi Joe!!".
I wish I could take away even a tiny bit of your hurt to make this easier for you. I hope that your mind drifts to happy memories often. You two have an incredible kind of love and it will never go away, not as long as you remember!
Jessica A

Michelle Klenk

8/30/2010 02:13:13 am

Hey Bugs---just want you to know I think about you and Joe everyday. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Just remember how strong you are and how much love the 2 of you had/have. It will always be there-he will always be there. Keep busy and keep family and friends close by. BELIEVE:) Love ya lots, Shelly

Katie

8/30/2010 02:58:52 am

Rach-
Ive been having a hard time too. I miss my brother so much. Most of the time it just doesnt seem real. I find peace just talking to him. My own hurt of losing Joe is overwhelming but the hurt you and my parents feel is just undescribeable. You and Joe have a love like no other, true best friends- you guys always cracked me up everytime I saw you!
Joe is with you and is with all of us- I truely believe and feel him around me.
I love you Rach like a sister and Im always here for you. Joe is our angel in heaven now but you are truely our angel here and always have been.

Love ya hun

Katie

Ellen

8/30/2010 04:46:42 am

Rachel -

I wish that my arms could reach through the miles to hold you and tell you that time will heal your broken heart. But who am I to say?

I can say that my heart is warmed every day when I think of Joe and what a difference he has made in my life.
- When I run and I feel ready to quit I push myself harder as I know he did through his pain.
- This morning I took of my Courage for Joe bracelet and replaced it with Team Vogel Don't Stop Believin. Although a hard decision my spirit, effort and belief need to be in making a difference with Team Vogel.
- Hanging in front of me everyday are some very precious pictures - Joe & I together and the whole Frito crew at the Olson's party. A reminder of his precious life and what he gave.

I know none of this can take your loneliness and pain away - but I hope that it will warm your heart to know that I am thinking of you everyday.

Thank you for sharing your private journey and making a difference by being who you are.

Love ya - Ellen

Carley

8/30/2010 06:18:42 pm

Rachel,

I am up late tonight reading your blog and thinking about your journey. I admire you and Joe for all that you have done and will continue to do for others. Hang in there Rachel my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are an amazing woman.

Love to you,

Carley

Sue McManus

8/31/2010 02:06:52 pm

Rachael

I do not know the pain you feel, my heart hurts for you, Mary, Tom, Angie and Katie. You all were suffering along with Joe, he was your focus everyday. You all made a very hard promise to Joe. I know some days it will be soooo hard to keep that promise for his presence is what you and everyone else is missing. That is why you and all of us were so lucky to have those special days and memories with Joe. My co-worker just lost her daughter (30 yrs old) and her twin grandchildren (3 yrs old) in a fire this week. She never got to say goodbye! I immediately thought of Joe and how lucky I was to visit him and you all in June! We all had the greatest opportunity by showing Joe our love and support and I know his spirit lives in each and everyone of us. If you are with those that knew and loved Joe you will see and feel Joe! Joe was a very strong man and he showed all of us the importance of how each day is precious and I know he would not want you to forget that! I know some days will be hard, and I wish I could carry some of that burden and sorrow for all of you. I want you you to keep your chin up and surround yourself with those that love you. Take one day at a time..... Sending a big hug to you, stay strong.
Please come see us in Charleston we will go and enjoy some cold beverages on Folly Beach!

Susie

Tammy link

9/1/2010 02:19:05 am

Good Morning Rach, Reading what everyone has written says it all. The days are going to be long and hard and you are going to miss that WONDERFUL man each and every day. Joe knew what he wanted when he asked you all to be strong and move on to make a difference in others lives. No question it is going to happen with all the wonderful people around you who REALLY care. As time goes by his name might not be mentioned as much but never believe he will be forgotten. He will be in everyones thoughts and prayers each day because he was and will always be bigger then life to all of us. You both have showed us what we all should be like through out our journey. We are so lucky that We got the chance to have two WONDERFUL people come into our lives. Never hide your feelings Rachel. We learn, we heal and we work to be that better person. Thank you Rachel for being so special to all of us XXXXXOOOOO

Sandra J

9/1/2010 10:44:37 pm

Rachel-

I sit here in the early mornig reading your blog and think of you and what an amazing women you are and the journey that you have gone through.

You have a stong heart and are such a wonderful person I can only imagine how you fell and what you go through on a daily basis. Stay strong and know that Joe is watching over you and will always be, and if you need anything please rmember that we are here for you as you.

Love Sandra

How Do You Fix a Broken Heart?

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