Alright - now I will back track a little... In my last post, I was still wishing and wanting to have a dream with Joe in it. Well - I had my dream. It was bittersweet. Joe was so healthy and alive… He was cracking jokes – making me laugh – and was just there. It was so hard to wake up. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep and be there with him again. I’m not sure I am ready for the dreams yet…
This grieving process is interesting – most days I feel lost in my own life, but seem to find a path. I’m more forgetful than I have ever been. But, I’m surviving. This past week has been harder than I could have ever expected. I would describe it as “shitty, but good”. Even with the ups and downs – there are always good things rolling my way.
I received a rock from some very special people. I guess it is more of a boulder. Engraved in the boulder is Believe in Joe’s handwriting with Team Vogel underneath. Joe was my rock. Words cannot express how grateful I am for this gift and how truly special it is.
On Tuesday this week, I was sewing like a mad woman and got to thinking that I could really use some good tunes. I got up from the sewing machine and was sidetracked the mailbox – and what was there…a new CD. Music does sooth the soul and especially when it shows up at the perfect moment. I truly appreciate all who have created a CD and keep me in the music loop.
Well on Thursday – I packed up and headed Wells to visit my grandparents. Enjoyed some good conversation many at Grandma Mary’s and at Grandma and Grandpa Salisbury’s. Great food was had too – Chicken Enchiladas and some fabulous grilled burgers.
Friday, I went to Owatonna to visit my Aunt before I headed up North to Ely with my mom, aunts, and friend. We had a girl’s weekend at our friend’s cabin. It was beautiful…canoeing, fishing, “the monster catch”, sauna/jumping in the lake, some cocktails, and great conversation. Thank you Ladies!
So, the long weekend comes to an end, Zoe and I are sitting here cuddled on the couch, and I think of you Joe. It has been 1 month since I held your hand, looked into your eyes, saw you breath, kissed your cheek. It is overwhelming when I allow myself to think about it. I am tired of crying – it doesn’t help anyways…but I am tired of going on without you too. People say I am strong. My strength came from you and now without you – I find the strength in the people I surround myself with. So to all of you out there – Thank you for the strength you give me!