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It' a MONSTER and She's Mounting It!

9/6/2010

10 Comments

 
Picture
So...  Before I catch up on all the happenings of the week.  Check out the Northern my mom caught with the help of our friend Cara.  It was 44.5" long and weighed 10.2 lbs.  Skinny and long - just like my mom :)

 

Alright - now I will back track a little...  In my last post, I was still wishing and wanting to have a dream with Joe in it.  Well - I had my dream.  It was bittersweet.  Joe was so healthy and alive…  He was cracking jokes – making me laugh – and was just there.  It was so hard to wake up.  All I wanted to do was go back to sleep and be there with him again.  I’m not sure I am ready for the dreams yet…

 

This grieving process is interesting – most days I feel lost in my own life, but seem to find a path.  I’m more forgetful than I have ever been.  But, I’m surviving.  This past week has been harder than I could have ever expected.  I would describe it as “shitty, but good”.  Even with the ups and downs – there are always good things rolling my way.

 

I received a rock from some very special people.  I guess it is more of a boulder.  Engraved in the boulder is Believe in Joe’s handwriting with Team Vogel underneath.  Joe was my rock.  Words cannot express how grateful I am for this gift and how truly special it is.

 

On Tuesday this week, I was sewing like a mad woman and got to thinking that I could really use some good tunes.  I got up from the sewing machine and was sidetracked the mailbox – and what was there…a new CD.  Music does sooth the soul and especially when it shows up at the perfect moment.  I truly appreciate all who have created a CD and keep me in the music loop.

 

Well on Thursday – I packed up and headed Wells to visit my grandparents.  Enjoyed some good conversation many at Grandma Mary’s and at Grandma and Grandpa Salisbury’s.  Great food was had too – Chicken Enchiladas and some fabulous grilled burgers. 

 

Friday, I went to Owatonna to visit my Aunt before I headed up North to Ely with my mom, aunts, and friend.  We had a girl’s weekend at our friend’s cabin.  It was beautiful…canoeing, fishing,  “the monster catch”, sauna/jumping in the lake, some cocktails, and great conversation.  Thank you Ladies!

 

So, the long weekend comes to an end, Zoe and I are sitting here cuddled on the couch, and I think of you Joe.  It has been 1 month since I held your hand, looked into your eyes, saw you breath, kissed your cheek.  It is overwhelming when I allow myself to think about it.  I am tired of crying – it doesn’t help anyways…but I am tired of going on without you too.  People say I am strong.  My strength came from you and now without you – I find the strength in the people I surround myself with.  So to all of you out there – Thank you for the strength you give me!

10 Comments
Sandy Kramer
9/7/2010 12:45:02 am

Hang in there Rachel!!
I am glad you had a good weekend. Hopefully the dreams will become many and that will help you some. Joe is with you in so many ways and let the memories hold you up. Take Care
Love the Kramers

Reply
Tom Vogel
9/7/2010 12:48:32 am

Rachel,
I sure wish I could help ease the pain and heartache. I’m still numb from it all but have started to realize that it’s just going to be a continuing nightmare. One that we will never wake up from. The pain and emptiness will always be there. And maybe in time we’ll deal with it better but I doubt it.

Joe was so special to all of us and we miss everything about him. His smile, his laughter, his kindness, and his performing to make us all laugh. He was so strong and he made us strong. But it is hard to be strong without him. I know he would want us all to be happy and we did promise him that we would be ok. So we’ll continue to try to be ok and keep that promise.

I know you said you found some of Joe’s old notes. Well maybe it would help if you wrote Joe some notes or letters. Express to him your feelings and emotions. As if he were here with you helping you cope with all this sorrow and heartache. I know he is here in spirit and I know he is going to help us get through this. Hang in there Rachel and know that Mary and I are here for you.

Love,
Tom and Mary

Reply
Ellen Stefaniak
9/7/2010 01:16:33 am

Rachel -

What an awesome picture of you and your mom conquering the wilderness! Of course she should mount the fish - a beauty! My 3 pounder from this weekend looks pretty small up against "the monster".

Glad you could get away and have some laughs. You are making new memories.

May the blessings of the day and knowing that many of us love you help you today!

Ellen

Reply
Adam Nyseth
9/7/2010 02:16:49 am

Strength is passed both ways Rachel. Thanks to your insight, it makes the rest of us in your support system stronger. We could not be strong without you and vice versa, we are all in this together, only all in different ways. Keep doing what you need to do for yourself and thank you so much for passing on your thoughts to us. It truly helps to know all that you share.

Adam

Reply
Joni Lynch
9/7/2010 03:20:34 am

Rachel,
Your holiday week end sounds like a lot of fun.
Know that Joe is with you in so many ways - as are Team Vogel. Each and every day is different for all of us. We are so fortuate that you share your life with others. Thank You, Rachel.
Blessings to you as you carry on.
Joni

Reply
Sara
9/7/2010 07:53:44 am

Rachel,

It was great to see you on Thursday. I have to say it's great to see a picture of what is actually in our freezer at the current time. That is HUGE!! Sounds like you had a great time.


Sara

Reply
Katie Daugherty
9/7/2010 12:56:06 pm

So...

I went to visit Joe (even though I know "God has him really busy")...and as I'm sitting there...I hear a noise, look over two grave sites and there is a decent sized buck! He was just eating and checking me out (I did look super hot in my sweats!). He hung around for quite awhile. When I got into my car, I ended up trying to follow him so I could get a picture...pretty sure that is when the deer felt violated and decided I had crossed the line ;-) It was an awesome experience though!

Reply
Tammy link
9/7/2010 09:45:27 pm

WOW!!!!! It even looks like the fish is all smiles ")
Dreams....... What a beautiful way to sleep Rachel, Joe is happy, healthy, and will always be with you all in his own way. I can just see him working his many ways on how he is going to try to get through to you all each and every day. write your dreams down as they come because those will be just as precious to you when you read them. Your pages will become a book and bring much comfort your way. He is here but he is also there. A move only Joe can understand at this time. May you all find some peace through all of the sadness that has come your way. Time does heal but time never lets you forget what you love the most.

Reply
Auntie
9/9/2010 12:07:13 am

Rachel:

I too wish I could take away some of the pain you are going through. Keep leaning on your family and friends, we love you and will always be here for you.

You (and Zoe) are welcome to come to Owatonna or to call at any time, any hour.

Love you!

Reply
angela
9/13/2010 03:43:34 pm

Even though you may not be ready for the dreams, I think they are a great reminder of whats to come for you and Joe someday. When you two meet again, he will be healthy, he will be cracking jokes, and he will be happy to have the love of his life back. And from there the both of you can move on together and forget the reason you were torn apart. You know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I really believe when you two meet again you love will be like nothing you guys ever had the chance to experience here on earth...Thats what heaven is for right? Hang in there hun, I know Joe is so proud of you and when he can, he will tell you himself, maybe in a dream or with another sign! I can not wait to see your Rock!

Reply



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    Joe Vogel began his battle with cancer in 2006. He became a leader in his community and a hero among his friends and family. He made it his personal mission to help in the fight against cancer. His wife Rachel is carrying out his dream to help families dealing with cancer and to find a cure for this disease.

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